SOSO

I just accidentally typed soso instead of 2020 and to be honest it feels pretty accurate. So that’s the title sorted. Anyway, it’s been awhile since I have sat down and written for the blog. At this stage I wanted the blog to be a collaborative effort, but 2020 is wild. Everyone is just holding on to their own sanity, space, well-being… you know just hanging on for dear life. NBD. So anyway, collaborations will come, when the time is right. I really have no formula or theme for this post. I know there is a lot of craziness I could comment on right now but I just thought I’d check in to see how you are and share a few updates, thoughts, stories…

1 I started an events business on January 1, just weeks before 2020 went mad. Honestly, that’s so me. I am at 1.7% of my financial goal for 2020 but that just somehow seems irrelevant now. Everyday I continue to hustle, create, collaborate… anything to keep the fire lit. This week, for the first time, I considered closing it up and starting over when the time is right. I have been working with a company to design and print super cool business cards but they are in zero rush to get the project done and I keep thinking maybe it’s a sign I shouldn’t commit to this path. But when will the right time be? And what does the print shop know anyway? Even if they are super talented. We definitely won’t be going back to what we were before March. They say you have to do something for 28 days for it to become part of your normal routine. We are on roughly day 143. So for now I have made the decision to continue to hustle, create, collaborate, and probably evolve. I am so curious about how others are pivoting this year. Probably mostly so I don’t feel lonely but, ya know. That’s where I’m at.

2 If you’ve read my blog, you know that I struggled immensely with my new life in a foreign country. My three-point-five years here have been a series of events that have further proven to me that this country gaslighted me. Today International Boyfriend sat down to have lunch with me and read to me that out of 58 countries, the one I live in is ranked #50 for making friends. No. Duh. Seeeeee… it’s not me. I love people. I love making friends. And now I have scientific proof that it’s them, not me. Side note: No surprise but, in reading the findings, the very first thing that stood out to me was that the countries least friendly to expats seem to be the most homogenous. So along with all the other positive findings regarding diversity, apparently it makes you more friendly as well. Diversify.

3 We were fortunate enough this summer to take part in what I like to call the Summer European Exchange Program. I swear that the second the EU opened its borders to each other, every country took a holiday at the next country over. Just a small change of scenery. Wellll let me tell you how happy I was to get out of the country that you can’t make friends in! Off to France we drove. The weather was warm, the food a-MAZE-ing, beautiful beaches, and shopping… all things I miss where I reside. One of the days we made a special trip a few hours outside of where we were staying and NOTHING was going right. My anxiety was through the roof. So we found a shady spot next to a lake and just laid down on our blankets. Next thing I know some woman was standing over me. I had the sense that she was speaking to me but I was heavily engaged with my anxiety. And then I heard it. Zwarte. She was Dutch and she was speaking about me. My first thought was, “Oh hell no. I did not come all this way to be around the 50th out 58 least likely to be my friend.” But before I finished that thought she had moved her towel next to me, touching me. Carrying on about Corona. So let me reiterate, she TRAVELED to another country, went to a PUBLIC national park, moved her towel NEXT to mine, and was so close she was TOUCHING me. And then she coughed on me. I MEAN!! (Insert head explosion here). Luckily for the both of us she coughed on my leg because I, 100%, would have ended up in jail had it been otherwise. I honestly don’t know how I did it but I fought my natural instinct of fight and instead decided on flight. I grabbed my towel, might have called her a not-so-nice name, and walked to the car. To which she replied “Precise.” And that, my friends, is why they are ranked #50.

4 This week I have measured how good my day has been by how many crying episodes I had. One day it was six, one day it was eight, last night was a full meltdown. My son packed it up this week and moved back to the US. I am an empty nester and nearly 6000, THOUSAND, miles away from both of my “babies.” Whew. It’s rough y’all. I’m pretty sure the only reason I haven’t cried yet today is because I’ve dehydrated myself solely by crying. I am curious about how others have managed through this stage. Probably mostly so I don’t feel lonely but, ya know. That’s where I’m at.

Anyway, I hope you all are hanging in there. There is only one quarter of year SOSO left. We got this. Also, be a friend.